Blue balls are frustrating....mine are paisley now. Should I be worried?

Never mind, they're brown again. All is well.

Shout out to Gabrielle Giffords, it's great to see you smile again Mrs. Giffords.

If my teen relatives keep texting me, I'm giving their cell numbers to random members of congress. That'll teach them!

Trading nude pics with horny young women...and NOT banging them. Congressmen really can't finish anything. With me nude pics FOLLOW banging.