The ONLY Union that congress likes is union carbide. You know I'm telling the truth.

It's impossible for ANYONE to say the word "potentate" without sounding like stepin fetchit.

DNA is AND backwards. I'm starting to think that scientists are just being smart asses. The original name for DNA was "sessabmud"

Being a “Rebel” is an organic thing. Once it becomes contrived you are merely the inverse of the “System” which is just as bad. But it was a nice try anyway three day beard, short sentence, fake brooding guy.

I just overheard some doctors laughing about how they don't really have to shave people before operations, they do it for fun. Bastards! ;-)

When an angry person shoots you the "Shut up NOW" look and you keep talking...you are officially now an a-hole. Congrats!

"When I grow up, I want to work in an unemployment office!" - Kids now

It's not funny to write "You've reached your hourly limit" on your stomach BEFORE I get mine too! - future twitter husbands

S. Anthony says... (It's easy)

All the major religions of the world have many messages in their texts and doctrines that intersect. How about this, in public we'll behave using THOSE intersecting rules and in private we'll use the other ones? See how easy that was? You're welcome. Pay the receptionist on the way out. NEXT!

Wait...you guys DON'T make your own fish oil? Losers!

Omega -3's!?! Punk! I take Omega -4's son! - Gangsta Whole Foods Employee

Have you ever felt like your time was like money in an unguarded change bucket left on a busy street corner?

Our political system has two wings, one doesn't flap hard enough and one flaps backwards...no wonder we can't get off of the f*cking ground.

A "Critical thought" is the exact OPPOSITE of a popular Christmas toy. The supply is unlimited...and no one wants to fight for it.

Cheating ex friend requested me on Facebook at 7pm. It's 8:39 and I just stopped laughing. No more penis for you lady, sorry. Blocked.

S. Anthony says... (Where is the humanity?)

This is a message to ALL of the writers, reporters, bloggers & talking heads who are somehow taking glee and finding humor in the brutal rape and beating of reporter Lara Logan. FUCK YOU! A woman was attacked by a mob thousands of miles away from her home, she had to at the time along with the suffering associated with this vicious attack be fearing for her life and the lives of her crew. Thankfully she’s alive. You would think that this would elicit well wishes and prayers, however…

The comments that I read and heard are so off the charts evil that if they were spoken by a person in a movie, I would think less of the screenwriter. No human being could be THAT evil, THAT heartless, THAT cruel. Where is the humanity? This is truly a “I wouldn’t wish THAT on my worst enemy” moment. You ALL disgust me. But you don’t care… you’ve proven that you just don’t care. I repeat, FUCK YOU.

Hey, why does the donut shop put all of the hot sandwiches in BROWN bags and the donuts in WHITE bags? Segregationists!!!

I've got several freezers full of snow. Aw yeah, the kids on the block will be completely out gunned in the June thru July snowball sneak attacks that I have planned. "We got you good Mr. S" indeed! *Maniacal Laughter*

It wasn't OK to ruin Taylor Swift's award moment and it's not OK to ruin Esperanza Spalding's award moment. Understand?

I don't know what factory made Esperanza Spalding and Corinne Bailey Rae, but I hope it goes into overdrive. (And please make one for ME!)

The United States public is essentially un-shockable now. However, if we were to wake up to politicians giving a sh!t...hahahahaha! I tried.

So, when do the affordable versions of gaga's egg suit come out at the local walmart?

Inspired by the successful protests in Egypt, canaries boycott coal mine because of unsafe work conditions. Film at 11!

Jeopardy computer beats past champions then rubs it in by getting laid, something the two human competitors STILL haven't done. Film at 11!

How long would it be until there was NO drunk driving if the punishment WASN'T "License revocation" but "Tossing a homeless guy's salad"?

I'm thinking of posting something inaccurate, inflammatory, stupid, crass and then erasing it and acting like it NEVER existed when you all get mad. Not because I'd believe in such things, but why should politicians have ALL the fun?

I'm starting to feel like a band with a small but loyal cult following. :-)

Do you think that the Koch brothers ran a credit card through Scalia and Thomas' butt cheeks like Nelly did in his "Tip Drill" video?

Please Justin Bieber, please start dating Taylor Swift. The nation needs this...

The "Grammys" are voted on by pros in the industry. The "People's Choice Awards" by fans. That's the difference. Calm the f*ck down and let Esperanza Spalding enjoy her award.

I just lost out in a raffle at Subway sandwiches to some guy that DOESN'T come here that often! S. Anthony maniacs...ATTACK HIS WIKIPAGE!!!

Sometimes people "Pick Fights" to gain emotional space for a breakup...and sometimes they're just complete a-holes.

I just bought the homeless guy (His name is Charles) that was sitting outside of the corner store, a hot tea and a sandwich. The funny thing is, I think he appreciated being looked at and talked to like a human being MORE than the food and drink. It's something to think about...

Special message to flexible women, all of that folding is nice and looks good but sometimes a guy just wants your legs around his waist OK?

Why do we sign LONG TERM contracts with cable and cellphone companies!?! That's as dumb as doing that with your supermarket!!

Finally, there will be several days of 60 plus degrees! Ladies, I look forward to daydreaming about your delicious newly uncovered bodies!!

90 minutes of foreplay (up from 45) for the next woman I'm in a relationship with. (See NFL, that's how you bring people to the table)

Aaah, sometimes not giving a sh!t feels as good as slipping into a hot bath after a long day...

I would write a tell all book...but jokes are faster and more fun.