S. Anthony Says...

All together now...whooooo caaaaares!?! One more time...whooooo caaaaares!?! It's surprising how many times that phrase is applicable.

A message to the person that sold the Gary Coleman death photo and the paper that printed it. I hope you get hit by a bus. That is all.

Anyone old enough to use a copier machine should know that it was NEVER funny to copy your ass. (Message to the idiot in front of me)

Yeah, it's fair that in the 6 weeks I couldn't workout (injury) I turned into a tub of crap and it'll take 4 months to get back in shape.

I just saw a commercial with the BP CEO bragging about “Launching the largest clean up effort in US history!” SO WHAT!?! YOU CAUSED THE DAMNED SPILL! That’s like a serial killer bragging “I stopped the most dangerous serial killer in the world from killing again….by falling down the stairs and breaking my back! Yay me!”

The Button is No More....

Don't you love it when you try to share something personal with a relative and they use it as an opportunity to stick a proverbial knife in your ribs? Well I'll just paraphrase what The Buddha said "If you are trying to anger me or hurt me, you're too late. That button no longer exists. The button is no more."

Human Nature...

I think many people have no real concept of what "Human Nature" is. Whenever someone does something stupid, evil or immoral they say "Hey, it's human nature!" Wrong! Today at an ATM I noticed and the man next to me noticed, that some person left his or her card in the machine. Any one of us could have cleaned that person out. But, it never occurred to us to do so. We put the card in an envelope and pushed it under the bank door so no one could get it.

That's human nature. I spent all night last night in an emergency room with a relative and everyone was kind to him and helpful...when they didn't have to be. That's human nature. I think people that say evil things are human nature are selling themselves and humanity short. Are there asshole out there? Of course. You can turn on the news to see them, sometimes in the stories and sometimes behind the anchor desk. But that is NOT human nature. Kindness is. Love is. Compassion is. Remember that the next time someone mistakenly attributes a persons unkind action to human nature. You and I know better.

Yup, I said that....

Some women are so delicious and sexy that MILF isn't a good enough description...for them I use MILF"AN" (All night) & MILF"E" (everyday)

"Hey! Stop licking me there!" - a quote from my new book "Words that will NEVER come out of your woman's mouth"

Female volleyball players....I WANT YOU BADLY!!! HAVE BABIES WITH ME PLEASE!!!! That is all.

Headphones...good for hearing music, avoiding requests for money in the street and overhearing what people really think of you since 1937...

Facebook....ignoring good writing and privacy since 2006....

You know that KY jelly that's supposed to exponentially increase her sensation? DO NOT let her rub it on her vibrator or YOU'LL BE HOMELESS.

S. Anthony Says...

Message to the next network that passes on one of my TV series ideas....YOUR SHOWS SUCK! What do you have to lose!?!

Have you ever been so embarrassed by your fetish that you tried to convince your lover that the idea just occurred to you?

Geeks are awesome lovers...keep ignoring them! More for me!!

Apparently I get cuter after a performance...however your dismissive attitude from earlier made you ugly...

Here's an experiment...say "trust"....now QUICKLY say "BP"....does YOUR mouth burn? So...it isn't just me.

Serial killers, there are many people that need killing. Just so you know, hot young women ARE NOT on the list. (Neither are comedians)

Cable news guys...is being a veiled racist harder than being an overt one? You look like you're dying to use the "n" word on the President.

I find it troublesome that the qualifier "Happily" must be added to "married". No one says "Happily" having sex, it's just assumed...hmmm

"What's football?" "No, I'll do the dishes" These are quotes from my new book "S. Anthony gets laid a lot when he's in a relationship"

S. Anthony Says...

BP, putting rubber tubes between boats to move oil isn't much better technology than a 4yr old in a tub moving bubbles with her arm for fun.

My uncle is taking steroids to fight lupus. That's CHEATING! (Screw you if you don't laugh, he laughed his ass off when I said it to him!!)

Telemarketers, if I tell you that I have the service that you offer and you keep talking, you're not listening. So neither am I *CLICK*

If someone fails at shutting the elevator on you, follow them to their office door, smile as you write the address and leave slowly. Fun!

If you want to keep the prison population down you need much better marketing for the unwanted anal violations. That would keep me out.

I wish these people that watch me audition didn't have so much respect for me as an artist...bring on the damned casting couch! I'm easy!!!

Who's more powerful, a gorgeous sexy woman...or a rich guy? Trick question.

Time...

Well my friends, the time has come. I'm about to let you know a little bit more about me...your cocoa flavored online buddy. I'm basically a normal guy, I do however have a huge pet peeve. It's time wasters. DO NOT WASTE MY TIME. Other than life itself, time is our most valuable and irreplaceable commodity. You can tell how much a person values you by how much they value your time.

You know who I'm referring to, the people that know that you are in a hurry but need to do "One more thing"...and that thing is something that could have waited. They are the ones who take an inordinate amount of time to make a decision when they know that you are pressed for time (FYI... a long delay means no 90% of the time. Keep that in mind). Your time is valuable, not because you are a big shot or rich... but because you exist. Only have those round you that value your time. You'll be very surprised how much you can achieve when the people around you, value you. And your time.