Who's Fooling Who?...

“Narcissism and perfectionism are nothing more than a person creating an excuse for what they perceive to be their inevitable loss. You are fooling NO ONE. Not even yourself. (You know who you are…)”

The Flashback...

At the store today, I had a flashback of an incident with my ex at a supermarket. We were in line and she noticed that I had purchased whipped cream. She asked "Why?". Noticing the cashier and everyone else standing within earshot I told her "For the sweet chocolate ice cream that we have at home." She says "We don't have any ice cream." I looked her up and down lasciviously and said "No, we don't....." A normal woman would take the hint and be complimented and turned on. Not this one.

Instead of picking up on what I said, she focused on proving me wrong about our lack of ice cream at home. She proceeds to screaming among several other things "You don't know what you're talking about! I know what I saw in the house, I'm not crazy! You're always doing shit like that!" I was so annoyed with her that later that night...I turned her down in bed. The moral of the story is... if you are a normal healthy young man, and your lady can make you so angry that YOU turn down sex with her....it's time to leave.

S. Anthony Says...

"Tantric sex"...extending relationships between people that should not be together anymore since 2000 BCE.

Do you realize that parents primary job for the first 6 years or so is to keep the little knuckle heads from killing themselves accidently?

(This is my reply to a friend on twitter. I put it here because I think it's kind of funny) I just found out, if you have 3 kids in my local hospital....you get the next kid left on a church step....FREE!!! Yeah!!

Fishing for compliments takes too long. From now on, I'm kidnapping for compliments! Do you like these shoes?...AND DO YOU LIKE YOUR DOG!?!

I just did an audition where I said the same thing over and over and left not knowing if I got the job...so ladies, I'm ready for marriage.

A cheating friend said "Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper" I said "The same is true with money...and you keep throwing both away!"

You know that a company is making tons of dough when it's product is pouring out and they drag their feet stopping it. Amirite BP?

Fake murders bore us, so now news magazines use real crimes as entertainment. In my old hood I saw the touring company perform crimes live.

S. Anthony Says...

I support gay marriage, not just because it's right, it's that I've got a basement full of wedding cake grooms. None of your business why!

Message to the loser in the Walmart parking lot. If a guy says "my daughter turns 18 tomorrow"...don't be SO happy to hear it. It's creepy.

Lets make it illegal to NOT smoke weed and go to hookers. Just think, just like that...YOU'RE all law abiding citizens. WIN!!!

You leave a cemetery at 3am, covered in dirt, with a shovel and a bag of jewelry and the cops are all "We need to talk to you sir." Racists!

Have YOU ever seen Victoria Jackson and Liz Cheney at the same time? Just a question.

Forget the 4 periods per year pill. Create one that makes them want more sex! I mean, one that they know that they're taking.

Umm Hmm...

Wait, the phrase is "KISSING cousins?" I was just supposed to kis...oh...awkward....

I don't want hand gun bands, I mean, are they going to shoot the audience if they don't clap? Huh...hand gun BAN? Well, that's different...

(In public toilet) Guy 1 "Hey, don't just leave me hanging" Guy 2 "You know better than that!" Me "Please let them be talking about a hi 5"

Lets blur the names/faces of all mass shooters & call them nameless asshole #1 etc. No more fame for them. It's what they want. So no more!

Word to the soon to be wiser. Consider you significant others' body a company and remember...you have a lot of stock, but you do not own it!

Have you ever had someone pre-reject you, then learn you weren't interested? That moment when they go from smug to humiliated is awesome!

You can either try to force someone to respect you...or you can replace them with someone who does. You really only have those two choices.

Stop movies & tv shows that say thick women can't get sex. Ladies, we want to have sex with you SEVERAL times daily. That is all.

There is a vaccine for the disease of the cable news echo chamber. It's called going anywhere else for information...and it's FREE!!!!!

NEVER say "Why didn't you______? " instead try "Next time would you mind_____?" because you'll never like the answer to the first question.

Remember when sports color commentators knew when to shut the heck up? Me neither.

What people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is nobody's business...and I'm selling the hidden videos to prove it. Wait, what?

BP should make the oil slick a priest, then tell the church it grabbed an altar boys butt. We'd never see that slick again...not here anyway.

The S. Man Speaks!...

I'd better get married and make some babies soon, otherwise "Age appropriate" for me will also be "Too old to have kids"....

The term "Lame stream media" jumped the shark, missed and landed in it's mouth. Please...enough.

Black man does positive things that the media notices, film at elev....huh? The story has been cut? Speidi broke up?...stop the press!!!!!

I wonder if Elisabeth Hasselbeck's husband holds up flash cards of innocuous comments so she can practice turning them into Obama slams.

I had a pleasant experience at the DMV & a parking place right in front of the coffee shop...I am buying powerball tickets NOW!!!

I was eating chicken and the cop next to me was eating a doughnut...we looked at each other and just knew that everybody was laughing at us.

Yup, and I'll say it again!...

Give it some thought, the "zero" in zero tolerance sometimes informs you of the number of brain cells and/or compassion someone has.

Man my muscles are stiff. I could use a hot oil massage. NO not from YOU BP!!!

"Mother nature, why is no one paying attention to me!?! "

"Shut up Global Warming, we have to spend time with oil spill too!"

"Aw mom!"

Why do we get more angry at our family than our friends? Well, one is like a splash of water in the face. The other, Japanese water torture.

If Tipper Gore starts dating Rush Limbaugh...or Al Gore starts dating Michelle Malkin...*praying* Please Sun, don't wait 5 billion years...

Why laugh at people on Springer and have a similar relationship with our government and big business? They screw us, we take them back.

If you walk an old lady across the street, make sure she wants to go. Otherwise you'll have to walk her back across...and get arrested.

I'm thinking that my TV sometimes says "Weak Signal" because the shows suck. Wait, what's on? "Wipeout?" Nice work TV. Nice work.