Random....

Had to pee, didn't think I would make it home in time...so I chose the "Public Option".

Flipping through the channels I saw that "Maury" had "The Kind of Wheelchair Porn" on his show today. I just want to say for the record that I now wish to be deported.

This week on celebrity apology swap...Joe Wilson apologizes to Taylor Swift and Kanye West apologizes to the House of Representatives.

If Kanye is a "jackass", Imagine what he said about Joe Wilson off the record! I'll bet it rhymes with burty brutha trucka!

Why do they call the show "America's Got Talent"...and then spend the next hour proving the contrary?

Jay-z had better lock his bedroom door now that Kanye West is in the habit of interrupting and saying what Beyonce deserves!!!

New studies have just determined that a picture is only worth 927 words. Sorry.

Joe Wilson just filed a lawsuit against Kanye West for copyright infringement.

Joe Wilson didn't have to yell at the president. He could have just given him "the light". (inside joke for my standup friends)

Joe Wilson was too far away from the President to throw his shoe at him, so he just threw his career instead!

Just saw the outfit Chris Brown wore on Larry King. Man, the Nation of Islam had better go back to their old uniforms.

Brainwashing isn't the problem, when we put it in the dryer and it shrinks that's the problem.

Everybody talks about love at first sight. They seem to forget about the more frequent but less popular sibling of that saying, "This person ain't sh!t at first sight".