Now that I've seen meteorologists talk about rain for 4 hours straight, I'm no longer amazed that infomercials talk about a mop for 30min.

Apparently my family has a language that I didn't know about. When you say "I'm in a hurry" it means "Talk slowly about minutia"

Street gangs NEVER scared me. These crazy people running for office and the blissfully ignorant who'll vote for them...well...

If you've never made love to a gorgeous woman, then had cornflakes and milk bottomless while watching CBS Sunday morning, YOU haven't lived.

Apparently 18-25 year olds think that I've moved into the sugar daddy stage of my life...and I'm okay with them THINKING that.

My contention...

Why is it that America only shows what it COULD be occasionally? My contention is...America is not this land mass. It's the people ON this land mass. ALL OF THEM. That INCLUDES people of color, homosexuals, trans-gender, people of different religions, people of NO religion, women and men etc.

Do you see how people treat each other at Christmas time and New Years? You get more smiles. Strangers talk to each other with respect and positive expectancy. It could always be like that. It's our collective choice.

Collective choice also comes into play in our politics. Are we really as a nation, going to put into power, people that are openly racist, homophobic & misogynistic? Are we really going to put into power people who take pride in openly kicking people when they're down? What does it take to make people stop and think? Just because a party in power USUALLY loses seats, doesn't mean that they HAVE TO. Especially not now.

We are better than this. I hope.

If YOU can get home with ANY french fries from McDonalds after ordering them at a drive thru...you are master of your domain!!

Hey, these protests and rallies have NOTHING to do with the President's color...HAHAHAHA! C'mon. It's Eyes on the Prize 2.0 right now.

If someone calls you at the top of their lungs, then says "Nevermind", you should be allowed to ignore them when the next emergency arrives.

Why do some people speak so loudly? Are they part of a scavenger hunt where someone must quickly find the biggest idiot in the room?

**********

Why don't guys pulling scams do a better job of assessing their marks? As soon as this dude started his fake sob story, I decided to humor myself by saying word for word what his request was going to be. I've lived in New York city, San Fransisco, Los Angeles and Philadelphia to name a few. I've seen it all. Once he realized that I was on to him, his back straightened, his speech improved and he actually said "You got me dude...sorry" Then he walked away. Yes Walked! Miraculous! I'm a healer!

The line forms to the left.

*********

Message to people who work with wild animals... *makes "what did you expect face"*

The road out of my life is one way.

I'm starting to think that the extremists running for office are really just the stars of the new movie "Jackass 4D"

Hi Democrats, remember me? -Your balls. (Sorry ladies, I didn't mean to leave you out of the insult...so here goes) -Your spine.

Politicians ALL have plans to solve our problems. In other news I have it all planned out what I'd do to Halle Berry in bed. Get it?

I'm starting to see "toppings" on women's bottoms as they walk past me.

An awakened man, when noticing the sleeping humanity surrounding him shows his true character by the number of boobs he doesn't slurp on.

Enough with the damned cellphone commercials! At this point there should be NO PLACE without coverage. Perfect THAT, then advertise.

Why stop at 18 games? Let's just make it a 100 game season....because the NFL takes such good care of retired players.

Why do we let politicians lie their asses off in commercials? Can't we at least hold them to the same standards that we have for vegetables?

I'm a critical thinker...do you hear that? It's the sound of me being dis-invited from several groups that require mindless group thinking.

Special message to assholes. Conflict isn't ALWAYS necessary, it is however SOMETIMES a necessary evil. Understand?

Playstation should change the name of it's new game from "Playstation Move" to "Suck it Wii."

Americans were given a travel warning about trips to Europe. Americans responded by asking “Who the fuck can afford to go to Europe? I’ve been jobless for 6 months!"

S. Anthony says...

It's taken a while but I've finally gotten over my biggest weakness. Perfectionism. It doesn't sound like much but it can be a life stopper. Imagine never giving your best because you were afraid of not being perfect. The funny thing is...many people feel the same way, but don't know it. Have you ever compared yourself negatively to someone else only to find out that they are just as flawed as you? Of course you have.

What I've learned, is how silly it is to even want to be perfect. Where's the joy in that? Truthfully, that would be really fucking boring. There'd be no surprises, no joy in learning, no improvements. Once again I say...FUCK THAT! I prefer to shoot for a combination of greatness...AND constant improvement. I don't care if the improvement is incremental or if it's exponential. I just want it to be CONSTANT. I want to be learning all the time, getting better all the time...and I'm telling you, it is possible. I'm beginning to see it. A life simplified is a life more easy to enjoy. Most complications are complete bullshit.

Women that start relationships with guys in prison for life, reside at the place where control freak and low self esteem meet.

As a man, you want your woman to ROAR like a Ferrari. You DO NOT want her Lexus QUIET. FYI, ladies for you, I'll sleep in the oil slick.

One Nation Rally---->Click Here

Whenever you go to a website and it makes a point of letting you know, that it knows what city you’re in…it’s annoying. It’s like the asshole that goes with you to see a movie that they’ve already seen and having that person constantly going “Here it comes! This part is cool! Here it comes!” STFU! I get it, you know stuff! Okay! Geez.

Watching extremists try to gain power in DC is like watching an a-hole drunk trying to get the car keys. Sorry, can’t let you hurt others.

I need to get a girlfriend. I'm tired of going through the "I hope she doesn't freak out when I want to (insert your kink here) her" moment.

"Mr Gore, I'm sorry...you're NOT President." -Australian host of America's next top model on her previous job

I have a handle bar penis. But no mustache.

High fructose corn syrup is now corn sugar... in a related story bullets are now called high speed hot compresses.

Hi everyone. Allowing politicians to lie just because you agree with their ideology, makes YOU look like a moron. Thought you should know.

Guys who use their dogs to meet women are losers. *sees hot woman and puts on lab coat and stethoscope* "Free breast exams here!"

When someone overhears you speak ill of them it's bad, what's worse is sending them a transcription and Blue ray DVD of everything you said.

I'm watching the twitter movie right now. They try to trick you by calling it "Thai Teen hookers" but I'm not fooled. Two thumbs up!

Talk about blatant, I went to the flea market and they were selling elections. Supreme court, you are soooo cool.

Men care about "Stretch marks" the same amount that we'd care about window streaks at our favorite restaurant. We don't notice, we want in.

If you are eye to eye with your dog and about the same weight...it's only a matter of time...get you affairs in order.

Fuck cliques. People in them may consider you too small to be a part of them...but if you don't care, you're actually too massive for them.