George Clooney is getting married today.

GREAT!

That means there are more supermodels available to reject me. Life is good.

**********

I put my pants on one leg at a time. Then I quickly rip them off because they're held together at the sides with Velcro. Yeah.

**********

Plausible deniability < An angry guy with a bat that knows you did it.

**********

It's Official: George Clooney Is Married!

HA! I am NOW...

Bachelor NUMBER ONE!!!!

**********

I'm about to get drunk.

*looks at a picture of my dimples*

Well, I'm gonna need a ride home now. It's not safe for me to drive...