Flirting only works on me if I'm CURRENTLY getting it on with you. If not, please begin...or you're wasting both of our time.

Store around the corner, me standing at the counter for 10 minutes and being seen WITHOUT being helped = you lose my business. See ya.

If they made it legal to punch people in the neck that sit on your car....the world would be a much nicer place.

Breaking Fake News! WI Gov Walker & supreme court, make it illegal for the poor to stand too close together or whisper without permission.

I would love to find out that there was a Weiner/Palin sex tape. That would be the best news story ever. Can you two make that happen?

Sitting here watching a lady flirt with everyone but her boyfriend who's trying to get her attention. The manifestations of both of their individual self esteem problems is fascinating.

Male or female, if your significant other needs attention that badly....GET OUT!!!

The "tease game" bores me. That's why I choose to not play.

***

Shouldn't we have state and federal supreme courts that CAN'T be turned into corporate (insert derogatory word for indentured servant)?

We need a "balance" for idiotic supreme court "checks", don't we?

5 hour energy. No. Getting adequate sleep is free. Also, meth and crack are cheap. Wait, what?

Anthony Weiner feels sorry for Lebron today....

Herman Cain....picking up where Trump left off....and the clock says 13 min.

Culture wars = "please ignore the man behind the curtain!"

When I date, I'm a one woman man, when ogling, I want variety...I'm an eye slut.

Blue balls are frustrating....mine are paisley now. Should I be worried?

Never mind, they're brown again. All is well.

Shout out to Gabrielle Giffords, it's great to see you smile again Mrs. Giffords.

If my teen relatives keep texting me, I'm giving their cell numbers to random members of congress. That'll teach them!

Trading nude pics with horny young women...and NOT banging them. Congressmen really can't finish anything. With me nude pics FOLLOW banging.

Anthony Weiner. Lebron James. Donald Trump. Sarah Palin.....Sorry, I'm a little tired. All I have is premises right now...

"Failure is temporary. Being a soul draining d-bag is permanent."

- An inspirational quote by S. Anthony.

"Put down that ipad 30, go out and get laid for goodness sake!"

- Current teens as parents

I don't have an iphone. There, I said it. Also, bite me.

I'm going to start saying people's names the way Ted Knight said "Monroe" on Too Close for Comfort.

Maybe that's why I'm not getting enough media attention. I've been sending college girls pics of my junk on posterous. My mistake.

Why do I hear the voice of “Mr. Burns” saying “Excellent!” whenever I click “LIKE” on Facebook? That sh!t is weirding me out!

The NHL Finals is still going on? How many goals did Lebron score?

Laughing through the tears...not mine, YOURS. I didn't smash MY toe into that chair!

Thank you. Nope, not hard to say at all...

Isn't it time to change the political system? Almost everyone going in wants to do good, then they become turds...time for a change, right?