I think beautiful women who AREN'T married but ARE involved should wear something that lets me know to NOT ask them out. Or lick them...

Your religion should comfort YOU, not BLUDGEON ME! If you take out the microscope on ANY religion...there are flaws. Relax and enjoy YOURS.

There should be a special STFU section of EVERY superbowl party for people that don't like or understand football...less blood that way.

ALL beautiful lady pop singers are actually singing loves songs to ME. Not YOU. Stop being delusional. You're embarrassing yourselves.

Did YOU know that the Star Spangled Banner had a Mad Libs version? #superbowl

Not to be outdone by Eminem's Detroit car commercial, Will Smith will soon be in a Philly cream cheese commercial. #superbowl

Did they kidnap half of the billboard top 10 and hide them in the roof? #superbowl

I hope the skeleton of a forgotten pop star doesn't fall out of the ceiling six months from now. #superbowl

It's okay America, now you SAFELY have an idea what an acid trip looks like #superbowl

God sent AN EMAIL to me, it said "I have NOTHING to do with TD's or grammy wins, YOU did that, but I DID make Kim K's ass...you're welcome"

When Glee does an episode that includes karate, car chases and explosions let me know, until then...

If only I could find a woman that LOOKED like my ex, that DIDN'T bang everyone. Yeah... life would be good.

I got my little cousin's coloring book confused with an IKEA assembly instruction book and now my china cabinet looks like Dora the explorer.

I put my rolled up socks between the cheeks of her booty pop panties in the drawer. #foreshadowing #outsourcing #givingherahint

A woman's bottom to me is like two scoops of my favorite ice cream. I will add toppings and with her permission I will endlessly indulge. (FYI, this also applies to her boobs)

Hosni Mubarak in... "The thing that wouldn't leave" Summer 2011 Directed by James Cameron

"Hahahahahaha!!" - Happily married, semi attractive, slightly pudgy people laughing at Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry fighting like idiots.

Credit agencies are paparazzi for regular people.

This fast food place has steel chairs and a 50inch TV screen. Why go home and be sedentary? The only thing for them left to do is bomb gyms.

Cellphone commercials are as useful as commercials extolling the virtues of having orgasms. NOT F*CKING NECESSARY !!! WE GET IT! STFU!!

Alright 48 hours mysteries, if you're going to take up a whole show with ONE mystery we'll NEVER get through this cold case backlog!

Breaking News! The US Supreme court votes to put Mubarak back in power, oblivious to having no jurisdiction there. Film @ 11

You should NEVER casually ask a person to pick you up at 5am to take you somewhere. There needs to be begging first. Or ass.

I don't care what ANYONE says, I still want MY 6 months with Halle Berry!

Fish oil capsules go IN YOUR MOUTH. Shut up! The first one of you that laughs...I WILL FIGHT YOU!!!

I've already started to bang my head against the wall to toughen it up for the next Presidential debates.

So, I can see teen girls lick each other for free online but it costs money to see a documentary? What a sha...Hahaha! I don't really care.

S.Anthony says... (Well, have you?)

Have you noticed how many things that you do out of habit or obligation that USED to be done for fun? There is a ton of clutter in my life that I didn't notice until recently.

I consider "Clutter" ANYTHING' that holds you back or makes you feel like shit unnecessarily. It could be spending too much time or energy on TOO many social networking sites, friends who have nothing but negative things to say about the people and things MOST important to you, or any thoughts that lie to you about your limitations.

Something as got to give.

Some things have got to GO.

I'm not the only one who feels this way, am I?

Anyone have a copy of P89X? (alright, I'm a LITTLE competitive)

Alright, I'm done. Sorry to wake you...

I don't like family DRAMA...but a family SILENT film would be great right now.

Wait until Dracula realizes that it's just ketchup. HAHAHAHA! Oh shit! Here he comes!!!!!

I like my women like I like my coff...you know what?...no. Just... no.

Ratings drop as dramatically as Horatio Caine gets lasik surgery. Film at 11 (Let's see how many of you mofos get this one!) ;-)

Richard Pryor's semen was so coke filled it was dangerous to Pam Grier? First of all, if your penis gets in PAM GRIER who needs coke!?!

Dolly Parton, Kim Kardashian, singing duet, music video....GENIUS. You're welcome world. This one is on me!

My cousin was listening to Willow Smith while studying for a college exam. Was I wrong to knock over his juice, say "NERD!" and run out?

Birthers? Still? Really? I can't wait until they claim that the first lady President was born a man insulting women & trans-gender citizens

Symmetrical Vaginas....they're FANTASTIC! (Much MORE FANTASTIC than you NBA. Deal with it!)

I want to get so angry that I see red, then take a Viagra so I'll see blue...why? 3D glasses cost too damned much!

Mubarak has people on horses beating protesters? Horses? He IS OLD!

Breaking fake news! GOP votes to repeal President Obama's melanin. Film at 6 & 11!

So ABC, forget my sitcom idea, give ME 25 gorgeous women who for some reason want to sleep with a guy they just met. #nextbachelorsanthony

You'd be proud of me. I came home to find someone in my dug out of the snow parking spot, and I just "Showed" my rifle. Yeah...growth.

Mubarak is 82 years old. If you want to keep him out of power, move the capital 100 yards away and 10 floors up. He won't make it back in.

Breaking News! Hosni Mubarak gets first post political job as new spokesman for the Jack Lalanne Power Juicer. Film @ 6&11!

In preparation for the Ice Storm coming I'm covering my porch in Jack Daniels and nipples. Wait, what?

How long before the deep voiced guy from The Geico commercials starts "Comparing rates" with Flo from Progressive?

Have you ever posted something innocuous on Facebook, then watched two people viciously fight on YOUR page? That crap is hilarious!

Breaking fake news! Mubarak's problem with populace has been traced back to his hiring the PR arm of Halliburton/KBR years ago Film @ 6 & 11!

***

Politics is merely over privileged people doing busy work. The difference is, when YOU push around files on your desk or play solitaire...people don't get sick, fired or die. Also, YOU give a shit.

We really have to find better ways and better people to put in positions of power. I get tired of people complaining about "The system". The system is nothing but a tool, like a knife or fork. When used properly by rational people, they are not a problem. In the hands of a psycho...

And as you can see from the blatant lies, some of these people are psycho.

Just saying...