Randomness...

Guys, you can stop calling it "Preparation H" now. We know what it is. Just change the name to "Ass Cream" already. Consider the snickers word of mouth advertising.

As I walked past a lady on a very crowded downtown street, she made a BIG SHOW of stepping away from me and clutching her purse thus making me look like a d-bag. Of course, never passing up a chance to amuse myself, I saw the same lady 15 minutes later. I waited until she got near me...then leapt away from her in fear EQUALING the size of her previous SHOW...everyone looked at HER this time. I smiled and thought "Doesn't feel good does it?!" TRUE STORY.

...um...your doctor is supposed to use their hand when they check you for a hernia...right?

Randomness...

A phone call means...the person calling thinks whatever they are calling about is more important than whatever you are doing at that moment. Well, it's not. Sorry.

What kind of jackass stops their day and stands in line to vote to deny people their basic human rights? Nice job a-holes.

Not one "Black" person in Taco Bell's "Black Taco" commercial!! Alright, where is Al Sharpton's phone number?!

I could never be President. I'm a little too inclined to pimp slapping a-holes, liars and racists.

I wonder if "The Real Housewives of Utah" would have to be on seven days per week....

Randomness...

Ideology and Idiot have a lot in common besides three letters...when you blindly follow one...you quickly become the other...think on that everybody....

I have begun sending out A-hole eviction notices. If you are an A-hole and you are a part of my life...the u-haul is outside...see ya!

Send everyone form both "The House" and "The Senate" to Gitmo until they solve both the Healthcare and Economic problems.

People watch NASCAR for accidents and a friend of mine peeks at "Dancing with the Stars" hoping people fall. And by friend I mean me.

Randomness...

I don't think it's a coincidence that there are so many commercials for headache medicines on "The View".

Is there any way to make it legal for everyday citizens to use tasers on people who are being complete a-holes in public?

Elizabeth Hasselbeck is back on "The View"....let the perpetual Fox (News?) audition commence!

They aren't "Wet Dreams" they are "Sticky Dreams". Let us not comment on things unless we understand this thing called "Viscosity"

Randomness...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...sorry, I'm bipolar.

Maybe they should make prescription drugs illegal. Then everyone could get them. Who needs a drug store when you have a drug corner?

If you don't know anything about sports don't pretend. Don't subject me to questions like "How many homeruns did Peyton Manning catch?"

My ex-girlfriend got us some great seats for the Maury show. I mean we're right on the stage!....Wait a minute.....

Randomness...

Morning people should be shot...before they can become afternoon people.

Rush Limbaugh saying Obama has a big ego is like Wesley Snipes saying George Hamilton has too dark of a tan.

Never invite a pyromaniac to a house warming. Just take my word for it. Not a good idea.

Parts...Service...Labor---->How a car mechanic describes the birds and the bees to his kids.

I'm kind of concerned that at my hotel, they're holding a get rich quick seminar right after the gun show...

I'm Just Saying...

The funny thing about sports is that grown men and women use them as an opportunity to tease, berate and humiliate people they don't know over accomplishments that they have nothing to do with. Where else would an adult yell disgusting comments about someones mother? Or bring up personal tragedies merely to hurt someone. Act like adults people. (F.Y.I. I say the same thing when my teams win.)