I wish I was famous so my opinion mattered...

Kim K's ass cheeks individually drunk text me.  

I put ass on my strawberries and whipped cream.  

The illuminati just called and said that they want to join ME.

If your lady's navel smells good. Marry her.

A guy just said his washer "Can take many many big loads"... and me and my buddy laughed. 

We're both on twitter.

That guy didn't get it.