Friday, May 14, 2010

Listen up!...

If I allow you to vent to me about someone BEING AN ASS and at the end, you take a dig at ME... YOU are THE asshole! That is all.

People got suspicious that I wasn't a mall Santa when I only let the moms sit on my lap... for 30min each... bottomless... in June... at my house.

If your friends have woken up kidney less in an ice tub, needed to be sawed out of cuffs or believe cable news, it's time for new friends.

Damn lady, you curse a lot. Do you kiss your mom with that mouth? Really? Uh, do you kiss any non related females? Really? Can I watch?...

"BEHOLD, THE ONLY THING GREATER THAN YOURSELF!' "Sir, let go of my breasts before I call the cops!" "Sorry, but those things are awesome!"

Uh, ever gotten really kinky with someone & they didn't flinch. Makes you wonder huh? Well...anyone know how to remove tar from your balls?

Wait until pot heads find out that it's not the weed that makes you high...it's the combination of weed and stupid people spit.

Let your lady see the REAL you. Most will dump you, but ONE will say "Don't keep that hooker to yourself, let ME have some!" Hello Mrs. You!

Thanks for coming to the show! Are you ready to rock!?! *crowd cheers* Alright, who wants Cancer in 15 years? Hold your lighters up!.....

Having babysat for my cousins, I can honestly say, kids are like sponges. If you don't dry them off before you put them away, they stink.

Have you ever dated someone and just knew that you must end things now because you could see a call from "Springer" in your future?

Wanna see how fast your woman is? "Accidently" try to enter her ass. Wanna see how fast your man is? Return the favor with your "Massager"

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