On Halloween, all of america gets to see on their front porch the touring company of the smash hit show "Feed the Children"
A guard kept following me around a bookstore as if I was gonna steal something. I waited until he got close, spun around, handed him the books and told him "If you're gonna keep following me around, make yourself useful and carry these!"...he stopped following. True Story.
A friend was complaining about Valentines Day et al..."I hate all of these made up holidays!" he screamed. I paused and said "Dude, they're all made up."