Why do people thank God for Friday? You still have to work! Screw that! I say T.G.I.S. Thank God it's SATURDAY! That is all.
Office romances can be trouble. I got yelled at when I was caught. "Hey, you don't work here! Get out before I call the cops!!!"
If you are a guy and your doctor wants to put you in stirrups...CHECK HIS CREDENTIALS! Also, they cannot "Numb the area" by licking it.
Old people doing a demolition derby in their scooters in a Walmart parking lot...I have officially now seen it all.
I wish that the president had outlawed torture before my last relationship. Oh, and also being a cheating tramp. Who's bitter!?!
When asked to submit position papers, don't say "Doggie style". They will not laugh. Neither will security as they throw your ass out.
Tough? Hell yeah I'm tough! I'm on parole for viciously attacking pit bulls!
When you're duct taped on a bed it's SEXY! A trunk?....NOT SEXY. Half nude and hitchhiking home now...