I just saw a woman at my uncle's physical rehab place that was so delicious, you wouldn't put food on HER during sex, you'd put her on FOOD.

Online ad people, putting a "Fake X" there to make us think we're closing it when we're really opening it will make me NEVER buy from you.

The next woman that I date, I'm going to ask her to put on lotion like the lady in the Gold Bond commercial.

Did poor people get caught fucking a bunch of CEO'S wives or something? They hate poor people....this kind of evil attack feels like revenge.

Before I kill my plants, I tell them why. It's only right.

When I "Hit the Sheets" I start with the sheet's ass, my sheets are into that. They're naughty.

I JUST realized what a weirdo I am. Oh well. Too late to change now... (Yeah, like I'd want to be "Normal")