I could soooo easily beat the POTUS in poker. "No, I'm NOT going to show you my hand...you fold?" *scoops up the pot....AGAIN*

If the wikileaks supporters REALLY want to teach THE MAN a lesson...they'd wipe out all of my debts and put 10 billion in my account. Yup.

I'm going to put a fake masturbating pyromaniac in front of my fake fireplace.

Ladies, the ONLY thing that makes you look unattractive is looking pissed ALL the time. (Full disclosure: I'd still mattress dance with you)

Stealing money, leaving you ill informed, jobless, not caring about the world left to even THEIR kids...this is who you voted for. Thanks.

Prius + Aggressive driver = Hahahahahahahaha! Really?

The foreshadowing on sitcoms and reality shows is shoved in your face so hard it should be classified as assault.

Special message to guys who like to tell long stories about how tough they were 20-30 years ago...STFU!