The Kmart that I normally go to is closing. Now where am I going to get all of the things that I need that everyone else also has? Oh.

Rude service at fast food places is more tolerable when you know you're never coming back. It's like a soon to be ex hurling insults at you.

I finally bought a new cellphone. Now my nephews have to come up with some new material. No more "Stop being cheap uncle S." jokes. Ha!

Couples never really argue about "The tooth paste". Shout out to Keith Olbermann's boss, WE know it's NOT the "Tooth paste" dude. Do you?

No attractive young lady, you don't have to COP a feel...consider it my gift to you.

Ever seen someone and just want to "Go to town" on them? And by that I mean walking around them looking at things you can't afford.

See, I'm weird. But there will also be satire and several odes to the wondrous lickability of women's sweet skin. I do it all baby!