I'm Just Saying...

Don't you wish some people were actually SLAPPED with a subpoena?

Comcast to take over NBC....Allen Iverson to take over The Jay Leno show. Film @ 6 & 11!

I also banged Tiger Woods. Hey, if other people can lie to become famous why not me? I also shot Abraham Lincoln.

They should card people who see New Moon. "You're 21...too old!" "You're a dude....c'mon man...no!"

FYI...DO NOT use public transportation as a get away car. Also the dye from the exploding dye pack DOES NOT come out of leather....I'm told.

Breaking Fake News! Rich young guys like getting laid!!! Film @ 6 & 11!!!!

Breaking Fake News! The New York Senate has just voted to ban smiling before 10am Mon-Fri...Let freedom ring! Film @ 6 & 11

Enough with Tiger Woods already, lets get back to important news damnit! Did you see how delicious Kim Kardashian's ass looked on Leno?

Don't you get the feeling that Ivan Pavlov would take one look at the Jerry Springer show and say "You mean, I could have used people?"

If I didn't always use counterfeit money it would really piss me off when a store pulled the old bait and switch.

If you make love to your woman in Australia you have to lick her nipples counter clockwise. Just letting you know.

Hey! Don't make me go Postal...and by that I mean turning my back to you and pretending to work as you grow more frustrated and impatient.

Asked out a gorgeous woman who said no graciously. I wish she was mean. It'd make me feel less guilty about my preemptive tire slashing.