Laugh, and the world laughs with you...until you put down the gun. That's when they call the police.

"Lip Service" means TALKING. I just saved you some bail money. You're welcome.

Rickets and crickets sound the same but they're not. People with rickets don't rub their legs to make mating calls until you buy them dinner

Fellatio is great, but testicle slurpers are REAL marriage material!

I'm glad Gwyneth Paltrow sent that niggas tweet. It took the heat off of me sending my pretty white girls tweet. *whew*

Hot young women...strip clubs? Really? How does it feel to spend money and NOT get some ass? Not fun is it? FYI, that's never happened to me

I never got it on with myself while thinking of Thelma from Good Times....uh....I'll be right back...

I'm getting old, security guards don't follow me around the store anymore. The plus? Nailing cashiers in their break room is now a breeze!


Hot girl at the drugstore has no idea that the guy she was flirting with ridiculed her after she left.