Yup, that's what I said...

Thanks morning news for all the important info. Rich young guys like sleeping with hot stupid women huh? Writing...that...down...

It's okay to dislike all of the people in your family that AREN'T YOU...right?

Do you know what my favorite thing about bullies is? The sound of them crumpling onto the ground.

Have you ever just looked at someone and just know that they'll taste delicious? Of course you have...and yes, yes I do.

I would love to be the meat in a Tina Fey-Kristen Wiig sandwich.

All of this great DNA and no one to plant it in. It's been a bad year. (Hookers don't count right?...No? Then yeah, a bad year.)

My last three girlfriends were like Neapolitan ice cream. One was chocolate, one was vanilla and one was always on her period.