The S. Man Says...

I don’t need a new lease on life, I own mine now. No balloon payments and no eviction notices. Ok, it’s a fixer upper…but the sh!t is mine.

Why are women called cougars when WE eat THEM? http://tumblr.com/xjm8g6ew5

A guy I know saw a hottie and said "If I had a woman like that, I'd never argue with her!" My reply "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Get real douchebag!"

You can't say fire in a Theater, bomb on an Airplane and apparently they frown on the word "Buttf*ck" in a Proctologist office. Who knew?

I really wish that the phone company would contact everyone when a phone number is changed. Everyone that called that number should be told that the the previous owner will no longer answer. I had the joy of having the phone number of a young attractive woman who seemed to be very friendly to several inmates. How friendly you ask? Lets just say that she would have no trouble differentiating between said inmates by taste.

As surprising as this may seem, once a beautiful woman sucks on your junk...you tend to want to know when that experience will be repeated...and you want to know NOW! Sometimes NOW means 3am when the new owner of the number has just returned from telling jokes to strangers and wants to fucking sleep! I have since solved the problem. Unfortunately for the new owner of the number, they have to now deal with horny inmates that were just cursed out repeatedly by an angry comedian. And so it goes. I hope YOU don't get the number next.