The S. Man Sayeth...

63 minutes. That's the cut off. That's when you go from "Oh god!!!! You're the best!!!" to " My ass is cramping, get that thing out of me!"

If a person sits at a stop sign thinking it'll turn green, it's legal to bust their tires. No? YOU didn't read ALL of the drivers ed book.

Physical violence DOESN'T change minds! But, if you are one of my delicious lady followers, a light spanking on my brown bottom might work.

What planet are Jesse James and Gabriel Aubry on? When is getting to regularly ejaculate in Sandra Bullock or Halle Berry not good enough?

DO NOT glue a remote controlled car to the front of your pants and try to get service at a bikini car wash. You will fool NO ONE...i'm told.

"Gang bang" sounds awful, but "Genital Buffet", now THAT sounds appetizing.

Because of teenagers, if I buy lotion, I get weird looks. Ok, the porno DVD under my arm didn't help, nor did my "I can't wait to bust" hat.

Purposely high fiving strangers with wet hands "Just to see THAT LOOK on their faces" since 86! Using pee instead of water since yesterday!