I'm Just Saying...

Hookers make better witnesses than you think. Just letting you know. For no particular reason.

Please lady at the mall, stop spraying perfume on me, you're gonna get me in trouble...also stop putting lipstick on my underwear!!!

I put the penis in "My penis is in your sister"

Getting points on your license is a BAD thing, so DON'T try to "hit as many bike riders as you can" . Sorry, I'll come up with a new game.

Tell me if I'm crazy. I really want to (bleep) the hell out of Rachael Ray. I mean, a cute thick woman who loves to cook. DAMN!!!!!!

Where are they getting all of these super hot female meteorologists from? There's so many I don't know who to stalk first....I mean watch...

I'm going to do a reality show with smart, nice people that...what?....How can you cancel it already? I haven't even finished the pitch...

Nickel slot machines? Really? Nobody plays them for the jackpot. If you play nickel slot machines, it just means you don't want to go home.