Saw a guy charge his mom $50 to shovel her snow. Loser. Not me baby! I'd just steal $20 out of her purse. Yeah $20...I mean, she's family.

Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER

What they REALLY want to say:

Gambling problem? GREAT! Your money will be MINE soon bitches!

Why should I pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming? I'm getting spanked IN the dream.