Did a lady too busy talking on her cellphone accelerate through a red light and almost kill you today? No? Just me huh? Oh.

Dear god, please let there be a bisexual, Muslim, black, female President soon. If congress goes this nuts because of a black President....

Hollywood:
Do you play basketball? (6'5" black guy)
Have you played Superman yet? (6'5" white guy)

When I make love to a lady for the first time, I have a big ribbon cutting ceremony with the mayor and a band and...Uh, I really like sex.

I don't know how many of you watch "The Big Bang Theory"...but I'm starting to have lustful thoughts about "Amy Farrah Fowler".