I put plastic on people's asses instead of my couch...because it's MY house! Shut up and put this plastic on your ass Damn it!

Are news people THAT nosy and oblivious when they get home? "So, what did the third fart smell like...EXACTLY?"

If women could get pregnant via the butt, I'd have 50 kids by now.

My tablet computer started rubbing it's fingers all over ME. I can see why they like it so much!

Not EVERY kiss begins with Kay, but plenty of anal has begun with S. Yup. I'm "S"...and I like da lady booty.

There are small ads in the dimples on my cheeks because...you can't stop looking at them and I like money.

Yeah, I put ketchup on my baked potatoes! Does that make me a freak? STOP STARING AT ME!!!!!!