So, no one is here. Cool. Confession time. Two words, PROSTATE MASSAGE. One word, SELF. Two more words, RIGHT NOW. One more word, JEALOUS?

Buffet people, your "sneeze guard" isn't effective against my "lick my fingers and touch everything" assault. Checkmate. Step your game up.

I just "Mowed the lawn"...if you know what I mean. (Unfortunately, it actually means "Mowed the lawn"....life stinks)
;-)

When I buy deodorant & condoms I say to the cashier, "I like to smell good when I get booty!" I come back 45 seconds later to buy rope. Fun!

Are car companies trying to kill us with these punk ass jacks they give us? Am I fixing a tire or opening a can of tuna with this shit?

Apparently we're calling needy people "Thirsty" now huh? Well, I want to start something, let's call assholes "Brownies" now. Ya with me!?!